By Christopher Hitchens

In a shocking turn of event’s, after the genocide of the “Florida’s Best Kept Secret” signs in Holley-Navarre, all hope of recovering any of the historical signs where thought gone forever, until now.

On Sunday night, 18 Jun, a baby “Florida’s Best Kept Secret” sign was discovered alive in the garage behind the Santa Rosa County Visitor Information Center by local transient Grindy Flood.  According to Ms Flood, she picks nightly though the VIC garbage “cause those people in that building eat like kings and waste a lot”.  At the time, she had been digging through the garbage and heard a whimper, “I stopped looking for food and started digging towards the sound.  And there at the bottom was the baby sign, cold, wet and alone.  I knew it had to be taken care of, so I contacted a local social worker I know on what to do.”

Intermediaries contacted Beau “IDGAF” Bodeen, a known recovering serial adopter, and asked if he could provided assistance. “At first I answered no, I’m in adoption rehab, but after listening to Secret Jr.’s story, it seemed like this was a good time to fall off the wagon” said Bodeen.  “I got in my truck and made a midnight contact with my sources to secure the precious sign.

“It’s not safe for him here, his entire family was murdered by Tourist Development and abandon by the County.  “If ‘they’ find out there is one sign left, they will not stop hunting him” explained Bodeen.  “I need to work his E&E plan, get him out of state and to another coastal place that can provide him safety and purpose.  It’s going to take me a week or so to make arrangements, then I’m moving out with him, I keep you posted on his status.”

Pressed for further information on his plans or current location of Secret Jr., Mr Bodeen eyes narrowed and told this reported to “pound sand”, he will give details when it is “safe” for the baby sign.

Further reporting as details become available to this reporter.